Sunday December 6th 2009 11:49 a.m. Called Jakob, he did not answer, I left a message.

the truth

On the Thursday before my 30th birthday celebration, my girlfriend was cheating on me.....

.. ..

 It is the reason I canceled meeting people at the Meridian Room that night and drove to FT Worth. Not to help her change a tire, but to rescue her from a situation she had gotten herself into through lies and deceit. The guy she was cheating with had gone crazy and was trying to hurt her and himself, he ended up being arrested and spent 3 days getting a psych evaluation. ....

.. ..

The girlfriend and I decided to try and work things out. It was rough, the 2 days following were actually amazing, everything seemed fine when a large group of us went to dinner at Love and War, breakfast the next day was enjoyable, and I was happy when I went bar hopping with my friends the next night. Except I really wasn’t, it was the beginning of the lies, and I took my pent up rage and anger at the situation out on one of my good friends. I insulted his girlfriend, belittled his manhood and publicly embarrassed him.....

.. ..

It was important to me that my friends like my girlfriend, in actuality after the way everyone viewed other Ex’s, I wanted them to like her more than they liked me. I decided then to not tell anyone what had happened, and continued to bottle up my pain. This was easier than it would have been, since I had run my roommate off, I was able to sit at home and get belligerently drunk and blame myself for what had happened. At first I told no one. The girlfriend and I continued to try and build a future together, and I continued to hurt. Eventually I broke down at work, a song came on and it made me start crying, I connected this song with her relationship to another man. I obviously had to talk to someone at that moment, I was in the backroom of my store balling like a child, so I told some coworkers and it helped a little. More importantly it let me know what I needed; I needed someone to talk to. However at the same time my friends were slowly becoming friends with my girlfriend, in many ways I think some of them now feel she is more of a friend than I am.  I naturally didn’t want to sabotage her being friends with them, so I continued biting the bullet. I bottled up my emotions and let it drain me. I started drinking more, and worse I started drinking alone. ....

.. ..

Summer came and with it an old friend/new roommate, at first I thought, wow, this will be great, one night I can get drunk and tell him what happened, and I will have someone I can talk to. Wrong, I realized if he ends up hating her, then me and him are going to have problems. So I continue to bite the bullet. I talk to acquaintances about what has happened, but never my true friends. Although I may have drunkenly told a certain friend who went with me to see The Melvins, I don’t think he paid any attention to what I was telling him, so I still didn’t talk about it with the people I should have.....

.. ..

At the end of the summer she went on vacation, and I became a paranoid wreck, deciding that she had chosen to go to Vegas to cheat on me more, not to just happily celebrate her birthday with her mother. I went a little crazy, went out got drunk alone at a bar, and started lying to the people there about who I was, how important I was, etc. etc, I don’t know why I did this, I just did. I didn’t even remember doing it until a few weeks later when I went to eat alone at the Libertine and one of the strangers I had met that night came up and started talking to me. Evidently the only truth I told him and his friends about myself was that I had been cheated on. It scared me, but I still didn’t talk to anyone. ....

.. ..

Winter came, the lady and I were doing better, but there were fights. I usually started them, either because I blamed myself for her cheating, or because I felt she hadn’t done enough to help me heal, or just because I hated her for putting me in the situation. I would go through her phone and ask questions about things in it. In reality though, I just wanted to fight, I thought maybe I could be loud enough that someone hears me and knows what I have been going through.  Maybe it was just because I am selfish and whiney, I don’t know for sure, but we fought a lot. I became scary.  I also drank a lot. I lied a lot.....

.. ..

I knew I was acting different when I drank, so I decided to drink at home instead of going out, or if I went out to drink it was usually alone with the girlfriend, for some reason this seemed safer to me. Until we had a huge fight leaving the Libertine, which led to me drunkenly driving all the way to ....Arlington.... before I realized I was being an ass.  After this things were better for a time, but that changed. New Years Eve, and it is weird because some people say I was acting normal that night, but I woke up the next day feeling like I had done something horrible. I still do not know what I did for sure, but I do know that one of my best friends did not talk to me for a couple of weeks because she said I was being fake and mean. Not surprising.....

.. ..

This basically sums up how things went until this summer. ....

.. ..

A month ago I found out she was cheating again. She was in the back of the house, and her phone kept going off, I tried to ignore it but it went on for close to 30 minutes, finally I opened it up. ....

.. ..

Guess what....

She was cheating again.....

.. ..

We didn’t, and still haven’t technically broken up, but maybe we should. I don’t know. I do know that I didn’t know who to talk to about this. I didn’t want to have to explain to all my friends the events of the last year, and if me and her did decide to keep trying to work things out I didn’t want them to hate her.....

I tried telling my friends what was going on, but ended up lying more.....

  I would say things when drunk, tell stories that I thought were funny, but were just giant lies. ....

I don’t know what else to say....

Maybe I wasn’t biting the bullet....

Maybe I set on all this because it was the first wave of me pushing everyone away.....

Maybe I succeeded.....

Mastodon - Crack the Skye

Early Mastodon albums gave listeners the sense that this band would do great things. Crack The Skye is the album where Mastodon trade potential for results. Mastodon has always been an ambitious band, but this album shows that they may also be the most important band in modern American Heavy Metal.  Uniquely weird and intelligent there is a cohesiveness and depth found on this album that is lacking in modern metal.  The songs don’t just build on top of each other as the album plays; they also build upon the bands previous albums as well. Don’t believe me, place Crack the Skye on shuffle with other Mastodon albums and hear for yourself. What these guys have done is amazing and ambitious.

This album, like its predecessor Blood Mountain, is more tuneful and less about showing off guitar riffs. The drums are much more subtle than in the past, and the guitarists seem to have developed a better sense of how to wrap there frantic fretwork around Brann Dailors polyrhythmic ode to Genesis style instead of letting it take the lead.   The band has been drifting away from deep growl vocals over the last couple of albums, and that continues to be the case here. While the growl has not disappeared altogether, when it is used it works brilliantly, adding to the album’s emotional depth. The lighter vocals do not appear to be as processed as they were on Blood Mountain, instead Troy or Brent (not sure which) has developed a more classic rock style, similar in sound and range to Chris Cornell or Ozzy Osbourne, but maintaining a uniqueness that fits the albums mesmerizing tones.

This may very well be the best metal album since Vulgar Display of Power. I am very picky when it comes to metal, and the thing I love about Mastodon is that they go against the flow of modern metal, and they take there influences from multiple genres. They aren’t trying to be the most extreme brutal band out there; they just seem focused on making good music. Very few bands keep their day jobs after their first world tour, I think the fact these guys are still installing roofs in there downtime speaks volumes about the handiwork they put in their music. 

an open letter to the us auto industry

Dear GM and Ford,

Remember when you cut back your American workforce, and lowered salaries domestically so that you could make more profits? Remember all those profits you were making as you sent jobs overseas because they had cheaper labor? All the while your executives were making more and more money. Well it looks like it finally bit you in the ass. Sucks to be you, maybe if you gave some Americans jobs they would be able to buy your fucking cars. Maybe if you gave to shits about the enviroment the people left that can afford cars would buy yours and not Kias, Prius and SmartCars.

Just saying dudes You fucked yourselves

R.I.P CD World and Meridian Room

Yesterday was a sad day as both Meridian Room and CD World closed there doors for the last time.

 

The first time I made a purchase from CD World, they didn't even own a shop. My mother and I were at the intersection of Park and Greenville on the way home from a doctor’s appointment and there was a dude standing in the street with a Mariah Carey CD in one hand and I believe a Butthole Surfers album in the other. We purchased both, Mariah for my sister, and the Butthole Surfers/Sepultura/Ministry or whatever it was <> for me.

When I worked in the Ticketmaster call center in the late 90's I would get off work everyday and walk over to CD World and spend hours just looking through the CDs and stuff, most of my paycheck went to that store and I never regretted it. People can talk about CD Source all they want, but the environment has never been the same, and the people working there seem to only have a superficial knowledge of music. I guess from now on when I am shopping for music that we don't carry at my work I will have to make a visit to Good Records.

Meridian also holds a special place in my heart, from  watching Jason make a fool of himself there on numerous occasions, our annual Thanksgiving trips there with Adrienne,  the girls I met there and subsequently dated, delicious food, naked men dancing and singing on bars, it was almost always fun. I am sad it is closing, but I have to take some of the blame, due to the DART construction and inadequate parking I had stopped going there, evidently so had everyone else. Hopefully someone will reopen it and keep the same vibe that Meridian had, or maybe even improve on it. However knowing this city they will put in a Potbellies or a Chili’s and totally ruin Expo Park.

I forgot the time that Me and a certain lady were making out in the kitchen after close, and she heard the busboy coming with the dishes so she shoved me in the employee bathroom and told me she would be right back. 5 minutes later the bathroom door opens up and the busboy almost had a heart attack when he saw me standing in there, in the dark.

fun times indeed

Save the House Where Superman was Born

For years I have heard of people, customers usually sometimes a blogger, talk about how when they went on a trip to Cleveland they decided to stop and look at the house where Jerry Siegel created Superman. It is not a historical site, or a museum, but the couple who live there from all accounts are happy to let strangers stop by and look at the place, and sit in the room where 2 men created something that, whether you want to admit it or not, gave so many of us something to aspire to as children. Some of us never stopped using it as inspiration. I know it is cool to hate Superman, he isn't dark or gritty and he does the right thing, but no matter what comic book characters you looked up to as a child, this is an important historical place worth preserving.

I know if I ever find myself anywhere near Cleveland I would like to stop by and visit this house, and it sure would be nice to say "I helped Save this Place"

I spent entirely to much money on comics and cds today

I bought the new Sigur Ros, not sure why though since I have had no desire to listen to it. Still I am sure there will be a boring day where it will come in handy.
I also dropped a good $60 bucks at the LCS today, and got that nifty 3-D Grant Morrison Superman book.
However the highlight of my day was finally reading Suburban Glamour which was a much better book set of books than I expected. Due to my love of Phonogram, I had rather high hopes, but it met and shattered those hopes. Screw Brian Bendis, this is hopw kids talk today.

Watching the Democratic National Convention With Gunter

Things Gunter said During Hilary Clinton's Speech

"Repeal the 13th amendment"

"Look at that bulbous nose"

"Boo Women"


"Bill Clinton looks like he crawled in a Bottle of Scotch for the last 8 years"

"Boo First Lady! I hate you Dolly Madison."

"When did this become our values? We had Slaves a 100 years ago!"

"yay pirates"

"if there is anything Womens basketball has taught us it is that women are not equal to men."

Upon Hillary Clinton mentioning that today was the 78th anniversary of the ratification of the 19th amendment "Damn You 78 years ago"

"I thought she was going to say God Save The Queen. how Awesome would that have been?"

"What is she defending me from? She said defending the working class. FROM What, pirates? Ninjas?"

"Are They praying? Who are they praying to Hindu 8 arm flowey things"

" She's laughing, don't hide, I saw you Mrs Biden. Don't laugh at god"

"Disco Inferno, are you fucking kidding me"

"Jews on the democratic side, you cant go wrong with that. Smoking Jews too."

Upon realizing that Governor Bill Richardson has the worst facial hair ever
"Who the fuck told this guy that it would be a good idea to grow that facial hair
I cant wait for the day he grows the full mustache and gets a sombrero"

"Alright I'd hit it with Hillary Clinton, I mean Chelsea Clinton, well I'd hit it with Hillary too. Can you imagine the roast beef down there, I bet its more like pressed ham"

while the news anchor pundit types rambled after the speech

"i think that it would be fun if the denver nuggets came out and played during this"

"could you picture that, some player comes out and dunks and the avalanches goalie pulls out the hockey net"

When Brokaw asked what was going to be done with seniors like him as they reach retirement
"Labor camps Brokaw."
"Reeducation camps, they worked for Stalin"

great american cuban

I just ate Great American Heroes attempt at a Cuban.
it was a delicious sammich
unfortunately it was not a Cuban.
it didn't have pulled pork,peppers or olives.
still it was delicious.

Fasciinatiion, a review in miniature

The Woodcutter and I have been eagerly awaiting the new Faint album since I turned him onto them about 3 years ago. Luckily the imminent disappointment that follows a statement like that wasn't as bad as it could have been. The album is awkward, it doesn't seem like the band focused on the music near as much as Fink focused on his lyrics, which seem more focused on telling a story than previous efforts, and have a certain boyish charm that I have never noticed in electro music.
The album is good, but after four years of waiting it is said that it comes closer to mediocre than it does greatness.

dreams about appliances?

I keep having this reoccurring dream where Gene Krupa rips my arms off me and starts playing drums with them, and as the dream goes on my head, torso and rump become drums and he plays them rather violently....
However last night I had a different set of dreams, possibly set off by the fact that I slept in the living room and not my bedroom due to the overwhelming heat.
The first one involved me throwing the lid to my coffee pot away and slowly having to deal with the fact that i could no longer pull the pot out mid brew, or else coffee would go everywhere. In the dream this was a horrible thing and created several bizarre situations.
The second one had me filling the garbage disposal with ice, supposedly under the pretense that it would sharpen the blades of the disposal, under severe protests from the people in my house.
This led to my disposal jamming and the ice refusing to melt because the disposal had gotten cold. After several attempts at getting the ice down the disposal i got the disposal to spin again, but it filled the house with shaved ice and gave off the appearance of snow. This as always would be the point where i was awoken by Gunter stumbling through the house for his morning cigarette.

Rain and Roadhouse

for once when I am home to enjoy it. It's so very very nice.
Oh and I started sorting and organizing my comics today. It is a fun, yet daunting task.
For some reason I am watching Roadhouse, sad sad

Collin Creek smell wont wash off

I had to work at Collin Creek, I have been up all day. I dislike everything...

The Autumn Leaves Nursing Home

It is a scary thing to walk into a building, enter a bright cheerfully colored room that resembles the lobby at a nice hotel, and yet be greeted by an eerie silence. Especially when your grandmother is staying there.
The scariest thing is that the elevator in this place made noises straight out of The Shining, that weird siren wail thing that Kubrick loved so much, and these sounds that were not moans and yet sounded like a person in pain, or an animal off in the woods dying, great things to think of while your on your way to visit your grandmother.,...

Faint at Minyards

Today after an adventure reworking items in my parents shed, so that they have more room, I decided to go grocery shopping. While waiting at the deli counter at Minyards, my eyes started feeling all tight and dry, and shortly after I felt incredibly dizzy and weak. I struggled on with my shopping, but by the time I made it to the check out counter I noticed the edges of my vision going green, and I started to pass out. Miraculously I never hit the ground and made it to my car, where I set for about 15 minutes with the AC cranked full blast , and eventually made it home, where i crashed in bed for a few hours before eating dinner.